aPaladin Negative Nancy Thread for the 2025 Football Season

[Pilgrim]

The "Hub city'

[FUTex]

Just to squelch a rumor, to get ahead of the news cycle on this: Coach Vaughn is not the illegitimate son of Alexander Stubb. I know they look alike, and have many of the same super-human qualities, but the timelines just don't line up to where President Stubb could have done the insemination. However, we're pretty sure that an insemination did occur, for Coach Vaughn was recorded as something called a "live birth" in or around 1989, and Stubb didn't even get to Furman until that year. So no, stop thinking there's a link, you nasty people.

Bifurcated update: Getting huge. Beautiful plumage. Filthy little creepy hands. Anal glands clean and remarkably shiny.

[FUTex]

Quick update: There's a fetching female possum hanging around my backyard. I've named her Prehensile - no, not that original, but I like it. I'm trying to capture her and offer her up to Bifurcated as a trophy wife.

[FUTex]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

[FUATT]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

From what I hear, you will like the transfer Tackle from Wake.

[FUBeAR]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

From what I hear, you will like the transfer Tackle from Wake.

Am he a Chesterfield?

[FUTex]

A Chesterfield? Eureka! That's it - the best idea for an offensive line in years. We simply model our offensive line like large pieces of furniture from stately homes; heavy oak or mahogany heirloom floor-marring furniture that requires at least two burly men and a handtruck to move. I, for one, would love to see a beautifully ornamented pie cabinet thrust its haunches up and forward so as to pancake a defensive lineman.

Yet, I still am hooked on the idea of explosive barbarism. When the Paladins call the ol' pell mell play, we need a certain degree of lawlessness in the trenches.

[FUATT]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

From what I hear, you will like the transfer Tackle from Wake.

Am he a Chesterfield?

Seeing as how he is now our largest player on offense, he is more like an entire living room set.