aPaladin Negative Nancy Thread for the 2025 Football Season

[Davemeister]

Side note: Bifurcated seems to be doing well. He doesn't seem to be gaining weight though.

Bi needs to bulk up if he is going to be a true dual-threat next Fall.

[The Jackal]

This may be well known at this point, but the roster has updated to reflect post season changes (removing seniors, etc.)

A couple of our injured guys (AK Burrell, for instance) have redshirted.

Xavier Stephens is also now listed as a grad student, so it would seem his extra eligibility came through. Ian Williams also listed as grad student.

[FUBeAR]

This may be well known at this point, but the roster has updated to reflect post season changes (removing seniors, etc.)

A couple of our injured guys (AK Burrell, for instance) have redshirted.

Xavier Stephens is also now listed as a grad student, so it would seem his extra eligibility came through. Ian Williams also listed as grad student.

You just ruined Aqualung's week

[FUwolfpacker]

I've been meaning to bring this up, and I feel like it's of particular importance before we carry on with the pressing topic at hand...

Are we talking about possums or opossums? To this point, the marsupial in question has been the possum. In this day and age, money is tight for most programs in the FCS so it doesn't make much sense to be importing possums from Australia, New Zealand, or China when we have a seemingly endless supply of opossums here in the upstate. Also opossums, being larger and having a hairless tail, seem to be better suited for the firecracker experiment than the smaller bushtail possum. I just want to make sure we're being smart about this and there are no errors due to differences in how we name the above mentioned marsupials. The 2025 season potentially depends on this.

Now, back to the less serious stuff...

I hope that means Stephens waiver has been approved (I have no idea if they would have handled it that quickly). Getting Stephens back would be huge for next year.

With Odom and Gonzalez going into the portal, there are not many QB's coming back with a full year of starting experience (meaning they have 11-12 starts). Crittendon is probably the most experienced QB returning at this point. I guess if Wofford sticks with Sealy he's played a decent amount but not sure how many starts. He's been in and out of the lineup. VMI has several guys with around 1/3 of a year of starting experience at this point I think. Shannon is probably the best of the 3 but he can't seem to stay healthy. Not sure what citadel will do. Maybe another portal guy. One of the young guys from ETSU played a little but I would think the new coach will go after a portal QB there as well. UTC will likely go with Schomberg. WCU would go with Dickens with how the year ended most likely. Mercer most likely sticking with Newbauer, and Furman will have Hedden or Jones most likely who both have 0.5-1 year of starts.

[FUTex]

Thank you FUWolfpacker for your gentle inquiry. We are indeed talking about the North American opossum, colloquially called the possum (or 'possum to denote the dropped "o"). The Virginius Didelphis. The vomit-eater. The nasty thang.

You are correct that the opossum and possum, while both marsupials, are different animals. Moreover they are from different parts of the planet. Australia's possums are cute little things, the kind of critter Ellie May would carry around the cement pond. Our possums (really the opossum) are vile, worthy of having fireworks shoved up their sphincters.

Fun Fact: If you put an M80 in an opossum's maternity pouch it will tear apart every last one of those maggot-like possum fetuses. Its not cost-effective, but it gets the job done.

FUWolfpacker is also correct that we simply don't have the budget to import the Australian possum. Besides, having those cute little bushy-tailed Australian critters hopping around while we mangle them with lawn equipment, plastic toys, fireworks, and golf clubs isn't the kind of image we want for our business.

I don't realistically think we're ever going to get one of our possums on the Paladin roster. Its an issue of fitting the equipment, such as a face guard for a repulsive possum snout and cleats for their freaky little feet. Our current financial situation won't tolerate that kind of expense.

Bifurcated is doing well. He seems happy with the leftover vegetables that I won't eat. I let him out from his cage and he just goes to the middle of the backyard and... well... just stands there. He's not bright.

[FUATT]

This may be well known at this point, but the roster has updated to reflect post season changes (removing seniors, etc.)

A couple of our injured guys (AK Burrell, for instance) have redshirted.

Xavier Stephens is also now listed as a grad student, so it would seem his extra eligibility came through. Ian Williams also listed as grad student.

Stephens - I think that is the plan but pretty sure nothing has yet been confirmed re the extra year.

[FUTex]

Don't Google "opossum pouch" and look at the images. Let me save you the mental cost of the research: Yes, you can fit an M80 in there. Again, its not cost effective, but it will get the job done.

[cavedweller2]

We are Furman. We will always be Furman and all that Represents. We finished 3-8 in 1993 but we beat a top 5 blundering turd team on a dreary, joyous, November day. Hollering obscenities and acting completely un Paladin like towards their toothless green clad inbred fans as they had to stream back through us to get to their cars such was the parking situation at the time prior to the construction of Timmons. It was great. That's what I mean.

[FUTex]

I like Marshall, and miss playing them. They have a lot going for them. For example, half their football team died in a plane crash, and they should have known better with an ominous flight number like 932. That's a bad mojo number right there. Also, one time in Huntington I saw a young man evacuate his bowels on the front lawn of the Pi Kappa Alpha house. So there's that.

I know this is the football forum, and you guys know how I hate to deviate from that topic, but here's a Marshall fun fact: Billy Crystal attended Marshall on a baseball scholarship.

[Fred Garvin]

Thank you FUWolfpacker for your gentle inquiry. We are indeed talking about the North American opossum, colloquially called the possum (or 'possum to denote the dropped "o"). The Virginius Didelphis. The vomit-eater. The nasty thang.

You are correct that the opossum and possum, while both marsupials, are different animals. Moreover they are from different parts of the planet. Australia's possums are cute little things, the kind of critter Ellie May would carry around the cement pond. Our possums (really the opossum) are vile, worthy of having fireworks shoved up their sphincters.

Fun Fact: If you put an M80 in an opossum's maternity pouch it will tear apart every last one of those maggot-like possum fetuses. Its not cost-effective, but it gets the job done.

FUWolfpacker is also correct that we simply don't have the budget to import the Australian possum. Besides, having those cute little bushy-tailed Australian critters hopping around while we mangle them with lawn equipment, plastic toys, fireworks, and golf clubs isn't the kind of image we want for our business.

I don't realistically think we're ever going to get one of our possums on the Paladin roster. Its an issue of fitting the equipment, such as a face guard for a repulsive possum snout and cleats for their freaky little feet. Our current financial situation won't tolerate that kind of expense.

Bifurcated is doing well. He seems happy with the leftover vegetables that I won't eat. I let him out from his cage and he just goes to the middle of the backyard and... well... just stands there. He's not bright.

A couple of side notes to this well thought out post:
1. The American Opossum is not a good swimmer. They will drown. If you add in 2 Rottweilers in excess of 130 pounds that scare the evil beast into a swimming pool it makes it even more entertaining. Rottweilers on either side of the pool as the toothy bastage became more winded. Went down and came back up twice before sinking like the last piece of the Titanic. The dogs waited a bit and then went around the side of the house to drop some mud bricks.

2. I think our turnover crown is dead. I think we need to replace it with the turnover possum. Perhaps a live one!

[FUATT]

I would gladly contribute to the Turnover Possum fund.

[aqualung]

This may be well known at this point, but the roster has updated to reflect post season changes (removing seniors, etc.)

A couple of our injured guys (AK Burrell, for instance) have redshirted.

Xavier Stephens is also now listed as a grad student, so it would seem his extra eligibility came through. Ian Williams also listed as grad student.

You just ruined Aqualung's week

HAHA!! No, I love watching him out there. I think this dude is the best ever at FU at this position.

[FUTex]

Good to see a comment from Aqualung.

Now back to football...

The Possum Turnover Hat replacing the incumbent Turnover Crown is a dandy idea. There the CB is, lurking in the backfield like a woodland critter, and gameplay starts and the opposing WR shoots out on his route. But our possum CB is deceptive, playing dead and seemingly no threat, and WHAM he hisses up with his nasty jaws agape and intercepts the ball, leaving a foul mess of feces and odorous anal squeezin's all over the field. Its beautiful, and then the CB gets to wear a hat with a possum on it, the object of envy for all to see.

[FUATT]

West Virginia does Coonskin hats.

So if we stick to Possum I do not think we are copycat.

But this would be glorious on the sideline. A few members of the BOT might stroke out.

[Louis Tully]

What about a possum coat or cape. With a secret pocket to hide the football. Possums are the only native North American Marsupials.