The Unofficial Furman Football Page

We all know they got caverns up there in Chattanooga. I don't think they have little people, but they certainly have the facility to hide them what if they should get some. Maybe a bigfoot or two, maybe an outbreak of lycanthropy... who the heck knows what's going on up there.

But I do know this: Their mascot is imposing a dishonest and unwanted agenda on our youth. The Mocs used to be "Moccasins", but now they're the "Mockingbirds". Why? Because "moccasin" could be the snake or the footwear, and at one time years ago they had an Indian as their mascot and that is verboten. So now they have as a mascot a bird in a train engineer's hat. Oh.

I'm for goodness and I'm against evil. So we have to gather all the powerful mojo we can to help push the Paladins to victory. Bootie's rattler was disintegrating (as reported by Al Franken) and is now permanently embedded in Cullowhee, so we don't have that mojo base to rely upon in Chattanooga. We need some help here.

While FUBeAR had to sit out the Cullowhee mission due to the ongoing inability to get the mix-ups in those NC warrants resolved, he will be live and in-person in Chattanooga…and will be arriving in country on Friday night, so he is available for advance and recon activities as needed.

Mrs. FUBeAR will be in tow, but she was voted “Most Likely to become Collateral Damage” at the Academy, so we’ll not get a lot of utility from her presence. Now, Little Miss FUBeAR and her new hubby, the new Mr. Little Miss FUBeAR have been embedded and living behind the lines in the Scenic City for about a year. They, and FUBeAR’s 2 trained (with lycanthrope certification) killer GrandDogs, Bear & Brooks (pictured)…

…give us a Combat-Ready Sleeper Cell (CRSC) as a key asset.

Should we move this convo to a secure site, so that none of the TrainDrivingBirds wearing soft leather shoes and hip sweaters, and with snakes for head feathers catch wind of our plans?

Just one word, with those caverns, for us to think about though … RADON

I will be unable to attend in person but will be conducting remote operations here in the upstate at an undisclosed location. Mockingbirds, snakes, shoes or any form of the enemy will have no success infiltrating our site, as it will be protected by real ninjas around the clock.

The Jackal wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 8:48 am

Jackal has uncovered UTC’s Playbook. Get this to Coach Hendrix and staff immediately!

Did you seen anything similar about Trains ... or Mama, or Trucks, or Prison and/or getting drunk?

Each of those may be part of the past and/or present vast Chattanooga mascot biome.

Another idiotic thread. This crap is NOT funny.

apaladin wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 10:59 am

Another idiotic thread. This crap is NOT funny.

ATTACK!

Will our band travel Saturday?
When is awards night?
Is the public invited?

The music is too loud!
Stay off my lawn!

apaladin wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 10:59 am

Another idiotic thread. This crap is NOT funny.

It's deadly serious. This is the thread where I predict Furman gets beat.

The video board is terrible!
The concession line is too long!
The parking attendants are too slow!
The ticket scanners are slow!
Furman football is boring!

Roundball wrote:The video board is terrible!
The concession line is too long!
The parking attendants are too slow!
The ticket scanners are slow!
Furman football is boring!

The game is too far away!

Thorny wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 3:20 pm

Roundball wrote:The video board is terrible!
The concession line is too long!
The parking attendants are too slow!
The ticket scanners are slow!
Furman football is boring!

The game is too far away!

Sometimes plays are called that have bad results. I think we should stop doing that. From now on we should only call plays that have good results. Just my two cents.

FUTex wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 4:10 pm

Thorny wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 3:20 pm

Roundball wrote:The video board is terrible!
The concession line is too long!
The parking attendants are too slow!
The ticket scanners are slow!
Furman football is boring!

The game is too far away!

Sometimes plays are called that have bad results. I think we should stop doing that. From now on we should only call plays that have good results. Just my two cents.

FUBeAR likes this idea, but let’s not over-ask.

It would be really difficult to score on every play, but a quality Offense should be able to pick up a 1st Down on every play.

Like, if it’s 3&9, we should never throw the ball to a receiver who is not at least 9 yards downfield. It’s so stupid when we do that! Has anyone EVER seen a Receiver gain yardage after they catch the ball? Of course not.

SO STUPID!

Ben Hogan said you should birdie every hole. Colonel Klink disagreed.

FUBeAR wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 4:26 pm

FUTex wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 4:10 pm

Thorny wrote: ↑

Tue Oct 31, 2023 3:20 pm

Roundball wrote:The video board is terrible!
The concession line is too long!
The parking attendants are too slow!
The ticket scanners are slow!
Furman football is boring!

The game is too far away!

Sometimes plays are called that have bad results. I think we should stop doing that. From now on we should only call plays that have good results. Just my two cents.

FUBeAR likes this idea, but let’s not over-ask.

It would be really difficult to score on every play, but a quality Offense should be able to pick up a 1st Down on every play.

Like, if it’s 3&9, we should never throw the ball to a receiver who is not at least 9 yards downfield. It’s so stupid when we do that! Has anyone EVER seen a Receiver gain yardage after they catch the ball? Of course not.

SO STUPID!

Say what you will. You are asking for TWO things to happen if you throw it short of sticks on 3rd down. Catch. And YAC.

Throw it 9 yards just make a catch. Almost every NFL announcer - and our own radio guys too! (Cole Neely?) - agree we throw it short of the sticks too often. NFL guys should know what they are talking about. Troy Aikman etc rail on teams that throw it 5 yards on 3rd and 9

I get it. I’m reasonable. Should happen occasionally. I just think we do it a little too often