aPaladin Negative Nancy Thread for the 2025 Football Season

[Pilgrim]

The "Hub city'

[FUTex]

Just to squelch a rumor, to get ahead of the news cycle on this: Coach Vaughn is not the illegitimate son of Alexander Stubb. I know they look alike, and have many of the same super-human qualities, but the timelines just don't line up to where President Stubb could have done the insemination. However, we're pretty sure that an insemination did occur, for Coach Vaughn was recorded as something called a "live birth" in or around 1989, and Stubb didn't even get to Furman until that year. So no, stop thinking there's a link, you nasty people.

Bifurcated update: Getting huge. Beautiful plumage. Filthy little creepy hands. Anal glands clean and remarkably shiny.

[FUTex]

Quick update: There's a fetching female possum hanging around my backyard. I've named her Prehensile - no, not that original, but I like it. I'm trying to capture her and offer her up to Bifurcated as a trophy wife.

[FUTex]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

[FUATT]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

From what I hear, you will like the transfer Tackle from Wake.

[FUBeAR]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

From what I hear, you will like the transfer Tackle from Wake.

Am he a Chesterfield?

[FUTex]

A Chesterfield? Eureka! That's it - the best idea for an offensive line in years. We simply model our offensive line like large pieces of furniture from stately homes; heavy oak or mahogany heirloom floor-marring furniture that requires at least two burly men and a handtruck to move. I, for one, would love to see a beautifully ornamented pie cabinet thrust its haunches up and forward so as to pancake a defensive lineman.

Yet, I still am hooked on the idea of explosive barbarism. When the Paladins call the ol' pell mell play, we need a certain degree of lawlessness in the trenches.

[FUATT]

I've been thinking lately about our lawnchair offensive line strategy from way back in 2024. I don't think we should attempt it again. Frankly, it didn't work all that well.

To remind those who have already blissfully forgotten, the Paladins employed a devious O-Line scheme called the Lawnchair. It was where the four down lineman would forego the traditional three-point stance and opt to sit back in aluminum folding lawnchairs - the kind with the faux-fabric woven seat and backs that we used to buy from K-Mart. The lineman would sit back drinking RC colas and eat Hostess brand sweet snacks and expel noxious vapors. The Center would arrive and on the count of two hike the ball way over the QBs head and the opposition would lay waste to our entire offense like the Mongols did the Mesopotamians.

This year I think we should go for a more Barbarian strategy. In fact, let's dismiss all that silly blocking assignment stuff and fancy-schmancy techniques and just explode forward. It'll catch everybody off guard.

From what I hear, you will like the transfer Tackle from Wake.

Am he a Chesterfield?

Seeing as how he is now our largest player on offense, he is more like an entire living room set.

[cavedweller2]

I fear the burned car at Montague Village is a foreshadowing event. It looks like there are now gates at the entrances to Woodwinds. Are they to keep the inmates in or people out? Confusing, puzzling, mystifying. Where is Lex when you need him? Woodwinds, a gated community of luxury living! Yeh, that’s it.

[FUBeAR]

I fear the burned car at Montague Village is a foreshadowing event. It looks like there are now gates at the entrances to Woodwinds. Are they to keep the inmates in or people out? Confusing, puzzling, mystifying. Where is Lex when you need him? Woodwinds, a gated community of luxury living! Yeh, that’s it.

Were it a Teslacide?

[cavedweller2]

I fear the burned car at Montague Village is a foreshadowing event. It looks like there are now gates at the entrances to Woodwinds. Are they to keep the inmates in or people out? Confusing, puzzling, mystifying. Where is Lex when you need him? Woodwinds, a gated community of luxury living! Yeh, that’s it.

Were it a Teslacide?

Not sure. But I sure hope it wasn’t a ‘63 FALCON.

[cavedweller2]

Nefarious activities at Montague Village.


https://www.foxcarolina.com/2025/04/19/ ... oner-says/

[Fred Garvin]

Gates at Woodwinds? Lex would have never done this! The man drove backwards down 25 from Hendo to Greenville.


The best real life experience I got was living in that roach infested complex! $310 a month split 4 ways. Trying to keep Rasputin out of your business so you didn't get evicted.

[FUBeAR]

Woodwinds

$310 a month

Dang, Fred. They saw you comin’, didn’t they? Cain’t hide money.

[FUTex]

Look folks, fire is all around us, really. Gas stoves, heaters, the pilot light in home appliances... I even have one of them indoor fireplace things where I can build one. And cars? They're everywhere. I see them on roads all the time. So somewhere the two, fire and cars, are going to eventually run into each other. And Montague Village is a place, so its somewhere. And people are sometimes in cars. I've seen people inside cars, and I bet you have too. I just don't see what the big deal is about a car burning up in Montague Village with someone inside it. It was bound to happen.