aPaladin Negative Nancy Thread for the 2025 Football Season

[gofurman]

I've been meaning to bring this up, and I feel like it's of particular importance before we carry on with the pressing topic at hand...

Are we talking about possums or opossums? To this point, the marsupial in question has been the possum. In this day and age, money is tight for most programs in the FCS so it doesn't make much sense to be importing possums from Australia, New Zealand, or China when we have a seemingly endless supply of opossums here in the upstate. Also opossums, being larger and having a hairless tail, seem to be better suited for the firecracker experiment than the smaller bushtail possum. I just want to make sure we're being smart about this and there are no errors due to differences in how we name the above mentioned marsupials. The 2025 season potentially depends on this.

Now, back to the less serious stuff...

I hope that means Stephens waiver has been approved (I have no idea if they would have handled it that quickly). Getting Stephens back would be huge for next year.

With Odom and Gonzalez going into the portal, there are not many QB's coming back with a full year of starting experience (meaning they have 11-12 starts). Crittendon is probably the most experienced QB returning at this point. I guess if Wofford sticks with Sealy he's played a decent amount but not sure how many starts. He's been in and out of the lineup. VMI has several guys with around 1/3 of a year of starting experience at this point I think. Shannon is probably the best of the 3 but he can't seem to stay healthy. Not sure what citadel will do. Maybe another portal guy. One of the young guys from ETSU played a little but I would think the new coach will go after a portal QB there as well. UTC will likely go with Schomberg. WCU would go with Dickens with how the year ended most likely. Mercer most likely sticking with Newbauer, and Furman will have Hedden or Jones most likely who both have 0.5-1 year of starts.

Ok so it sounds like we are not sure about Xavier Stephens? Is that right? Seemed to be a little back and forth there? I sure hope we get him back. Great player.

Super glad to see that Odom left Wofford !!! It appears he is officially gone and at KSU. please correct me if I am wrong !!! That one makes my day. They were a better team with Odom

My understanding is we might not know about X for some time.

FUATT, thanks !

[FUTex]

Just a short note to let you know why I think our next season is shaping up nicely...

I was at Scheels (kinda like a Bass Pro World, but more focus on hunting than fishing) near Dallas on Sunday and it was lousy with MSU and NDS fans here for that football game we should have been in if not for our rather modest W/L record. There they all were, just walking around dressed in their respective fan gear, looking at this and that, all "what's that dang deal" and "what in the heck is that thang" and "kids, don't put your lips on it" just a meandering around in a mental chasm of banality. I engaged a few in rigorous social intercourse, and I learned two things:

1-They know nothing of possumry. It was pitiful.
2-They will call you a weirdo if you go up to them and quiz them on the fly regarding possums.

I bought a SIG Sauer AR10 in 7.62 at Scheels. It promises to be a sweet sweet Artiodactyla Suida killing machine, specifically for the Sus Scrofa. I figure the more wild hogs one kills the more room there is for possums. There's just a lot more fun things to do with a possum than a hog.

[FUTex]

Bifurcated update - Growing like a weed. We let him out and he comes back every morning to eat his slop and sleep in his dog kennel. His hair is still an odd brown though. Funny looking critter, but a proper gentleman nevertheless.

[FUTex]

It would be a crying shame if two days went by without Furman Football news being reported in this valiant forum. A crying shame I tell you.

Bifurcated update - A terrible day yesterday for the poor sap who had to clean his cage.

[Louis Tully]

Was that due to Bifurcated’s expulsive gastrational fecalation vomitation; or more about him being in a bad mood and not wanting anyone to mess with him?

[FUATT]

Always difficult when it comes to the management of gaseous expulsions - or explosions - and associated voiding of fecal matter and conseqent excavation, evacuation and sanitation of living space.

In old folks they these Activities of Daily Living. Bifurcated needs help with the ADLs, not because of age, but because he is a strong, virile SOB who cannot be stopped, only, possibly, aspirationally, contained. For a short time.

[FUTex]

What I've learned over the years of research in possumry, as you guys have undoubtedly learned as well, is there are a lot of things that can come out of possum. Fecality, Vomitus, Excretions, Oozings, and Vapors. My MawMaw would add more, like possum Squeezin's, but she was more of a folk artisan than a possumist.

[FUTex]

I think it was the great general and statesman Hideki Tojo who first noticed "Opossamu ni wa futamata ni wakareta penisu ga aru". But I don't think even that great man would know the titanic amount of concern I have for the upcoming season's mojo. Does anyone know any far eastern folk magic, perchance?

On another note, is Affirm and Apaladin the same person? Neither appears to understand how seriously I take my work here on the UFFP.

CCLOT

[FUTex]

Does anyone know any far-eastern folk magic? If we're going to run the veer option we'll need some help here. Also, I didn't see the pell mell play called once last season. We need some alignment.

Bifurcated update - Growing like a weed.

Affirm update - I don't think he cares for these type posts.

APNNT BATT CCLOT

[cavedweller2]

FUATT

[FUATT]

FUATT

I’ll get right on it.

[gofurman]

Does anyone know any far-eastern folk magic? If we're going to run the veer option we'll need some help here. Also, I didn't see the pell mell play called once last season. We need some alignment.

Bifurcated update - Growing like a weed.

Affirm update - I don't think he cares for these type posts.

APNNT BATT CCLOT

Unfortunately to run veer option we would have to get under center. Teams don’t think that works anymore. Except the world champion Eagles and the tush push !!!

[FUTex]

Good observation GF. If that's the case, then we must go under Center. We go under Center, start to Veer, then let it rip.

And a special thanks to FUATT for starting the research on eastern folk magic.

[FUATT]

Good observation GF. If that's the case, then we must go under Center. We go under Center, start to Veer, then let it rip.

And a special thanks to FUATT for starting the research on eastern folk magic.

"Far Eastern folk magic" refers to the traditional magical practices and beliefs found in the cultures of East Asia, including China, Japan, Korea, and parts of Southeast Asia, often incorporating elements like herbal remedies, spirit communication, divination, and charms, with specific practices varying significantly across different regions and cultures; notable examples include Chinese "Gong Tau" black magic, Japanese fox-spirit witch lore, and Korean practices involving spells and accusations of witchcraft.

Key aspects of Far Eastern folk magic:

Spirit communication:
Many traditions believe in interacting with spirits of nature, ancestors, and deities through rituals, offerings, and mediums.

Animal symbolism:
Certain animals like foxes, tigers, and dragons are often associated with magical powers and can be used as spirit guides or symbols in spells.

Herbalism:
Using medicinal plants and herbs for healing and magical purposes is prevalent, with specific plants believed to possess special powers.

Divination practices:
Techniques like reading tea leaves, using oracle bones, or interpreting patterns in nature are used to seek guidance and predict the future.

Specific examples of Far Eastern folk magic:

Chinese practices:
Gong Tau: A form of black magic used for revenge or personal gain
Feng Shui: The practice of arranging objects and spaces to harmonize with the flow of energy
Taoist magic: Incorporates practices like meditation, breathing exercises, and talisman creation

So...

I think the key things are:

Relies on Tradition - we have a great deal of Tradition at Furman.
Spirit Communication - to commune, we need a ritual offering. Perhaps we are going to have to ask Ed Bopp to up the communion game - Pedro Cerrano was about live chickens. We could throw a live chicken off the Bell Tower into the Lake. I'm open to suggestion here. But we may need to up our game.
Animal Symbolism - Well, a Paladin is not an animal. However, we have a beautiful white horse, both literally and a road nearby. Maybe the team should ride in to the game on White Horses on White Horse road.
Herbalism: Brownies, clearly.
Divination: Perhaps we interpret the movement of the swans in the lake to divine new offensive formations.
Gong Tau: Anything with revenge clearly involves Woofurd after the last two years.
Feng Shui: going back to the Divination principle, maybe we organize these mystical new offensive formations to harmonize with the flow of energy during the game. I think coaches try to do this but maybe whatever we throw off the top of the Bell Tower will help them better channel the flow. Or we put Roper on horseback during the game.
Taoist Magic: I can see Vaughn in the Lotus pose, breathing evenly, channeling hellfire and brimstone down from Paris Mountain upon opposing quarterbacks.

This is just a head start. I think we will have delve much deeper into the practices to perfect them, but nonetheless these are places to start.