Coach Vaughn

[FUBeAR]

One time Coach Vaughn inhaled a Furman swan into his lungs and blew it out his nose. It terribly injured the swan so he breastfed it back to health. Later we found out that if you put a phonograph needle on Coach Vaughn's left nipple and rotated his body around it played "Pet Sounds" from The Beach Boys. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it; it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Coach Vaughn sweats purple gatoraid and can high jump the goal post while holding any faculty member currently on staff.

*chestfed

[gman84]

I can't stop laughing!

[FUTex]

FUBear makes a good point - breastfed versus chestfed. I'm not very hip on the new woke lingo the kids use these days so I don't know which applies.

I can say that Coach Vaughn is the most un-nonbinary person on the planet. He is 100% binary. He is the apex capstone (top of the pyramid) of this mythical patriarchy the kids complain about. If you look up "man" in the dictionary its a picture of Coach Vaughn. He's so manly his perspiration sizzles when it hits the turf, killing the weeds but not the grass. One time a squad of visiting cheerleaders simply looked at Coach Vaughn in admiration and nine months later they gave birth to a marching band. Their halftime show was sensational.

[FUTex]

Coach Vaughn was seen this afternoon riding a three-man blocking sled up I-77, powered by the force of his mighty Will, yet still going at a safe and reasonable speed obeying all state and local traffic ordinances.

[FUTex]

Anybody have any updates on Coach Vaughn? Has he approved the Possum Turnover Crown yet?

[FUTex]

Update: Coach Vaughn has gone radio silent. I'm hearing nothing from him. That means he's cooking up one powerful mojo.

I heard a rumor that the 3rd grade schoolteacher in Billy Madison was inspired by a relative of Coach Vaughn. I think it might be true.

CV BATT CCLOT

[AllTimeFU]

Update: Coach Vaughn has gone radio silent. I'm hearing nothing from him. That means he's cooking up one powerful mojo.

I heard a rumor that the 3rd grade schoolteacher in Billy Madison was inspired by a relative of Coach Vaughn. I think it might be true.

CV BATT CCLOT

I believe he has a bun in the oven.

[Davemeister]

I believe he has a bun in the oven.

I hope it's his wife with the bun in the oven.

[FUTex]

If it was Coach Vaughn with a bun in the oven he'd give birth to a 20 ounce porterhouse steak, with the afterbirth a delicious creamy mushroom sauce. It'd go well with a tumbler of scotch and an "Its a steak" congratulatory cigar afterwards. The downside to all that is it takes Coach Vaughn two days and a case of beer to lose the baby fat every time he births a hearty porterhouse. Coach Vaugh's stomach used to look like the Peruvian Nazca Lines from all the football teams he's fed, but then he found out the stretch marks buffed out just fine with a DeWalt 1600 watt variable speed automobile polisher with a 120 grain sander head.

[FUTex]

TIL - The only Coach Vaughn Cult outside the tri-state area is found on an island in the Solomons, about 300 miles east of New Guinea. Anthropologists have been writing about it for years. The strange midnight rituals, the macabre chants, the naked writhing bodies backlit by huge bonfires, masked shamans whipping the masses into a frenzy as they beat the island's marsupials to death with purple and white Furman Paladin foam seat cushions... its a shock to behold. Then in the morning they make meat puppets.

[FUBeAR]

TIL - The only Coach Vaughn Cult outside the tri-state area is found on an island in the Solomons, about 300 miles east of New Guinea. Anthropologists have been writing about it for years. The strange midnight rituals, the macabre chants, the naked writhing bodies backlit by huge bonfires, masked shamans whipping the masses into a frenzy as they beat the island's marsupials to death with purple and white Furman Paladin foam seat cushions... its a shock to behold. Then in the morning they make meat puppets.

We had a janitor named Solomon at FUBeAR’s Jr. High School. Pretty sure he was Scatman Crother’s twin brother.

[Fred Garvin]

TIL - The only Coach Vaughn Cult outside the tri-state area is found on an island in the Solomons, about 300 miles east of New Guinea. Anthropologists have been writing about it for years. The strange midnight rituals, the macabre chants, the naked writhing bodies backlit by huge bonfires, masked shamans whipping the masses into a frenzy as they beat the island's marsupials to death with purple and white Furman Paladin foam seat cushions... its a shock to behold. Then in the morning they make meat puppets.

We had a janitor named Solomon at FUBeAR’s Jr. High School. Pretty sure he was Scatman Crother’s twin brother.

Please rate your Solomon using the Dale-Lex Rating System used by Rasputin at Woodwinds
1. Was he wild? Was he mean? Was his name Dale?
2. Could he drive a car backwards down US 25 from Hendersonville to TR like Lex?