Coach Vaughn

[FUBeAR]

One time Coach Vaughn inhaled a Furman swan into his lungs and blew it out his nose. It terribly injured the swan so he breastfed it back to health. Later we found out that if you put a phonograph needle on Coach Vaughn's left nipple and rotated his body around it played "Pet Sounds" from The Beach Boys. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it; it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Coach Vaughn sweats purple gatoraid and can high jump the goal post while holding any faculty member currently on staff.

*chestfed

[gman84]

I can't stop laughing!

[FUTex]

FUBear makes a good point - breastfed versus chestfed. I'm not very hip on the new woke lingo the kids use these days so I don't know which applies.

I can say that Coach Vaughn is the most un-nonbinary person on the planet. He is 100% binary. He is the apex capstone (top of the pyramid) of this mythical patriarchy the kids complain about. If you look up "man" in the dictionary its a picture of Coach Vaughn. He's so manly his perspiration sizzles when it hits the turf, killing the weeds but not the grass. One time a squad of visiting cheerleaders simply looked at Coach Vaughn in admiration and nine months later they gave birth to a marching band. Their halftime show was sensational.